LIVING INTENTIONALLY

Having recently watched some interviews with famous baby boomers, I am inspired to write a few lines about the possible causes of why we post war babies have had to make multiple efforts to have a lasting, happy, loving, supportive, aligned marriages that feed the soul. With one out of two failing for us, the new generation may have something to teach us, like forthright communication, laying it all on the line, and letting our true feelings show.

Here are a few ideas to ponder that come to mind. During our childhoods, the 50’s, the world and American culture were radically different that the world we inhabit domestically and globally today.

We were taught rigid restrictive rules about what was appropriate and what behaviors, thoughts, and actions were not to be tolerated. Conversation was never to be rude, fresh, disrespectful, lewd, or insulting. Labels were the order of the day for people and for actions. Freedom meant freedom to be an obedient child and a good citizen rather than freedom of personal choice. Ingrained in us were subjects never to be broached or discussed, even in many cases, within the family unit.

The beliefs baby boomers were inculcated with were substantially different that those of society today. Compare these ideas to those prevalent today.

Suffering was good for the soul so an abusive marriage was to be tolerated patiently as a ticket into heaven.

Women and children were considered chattel without rights, to be taken care of and controlled as though they weren’t smart enough to make decisions for themselves and had no right to decide anyway.

Divorce, which was much less frequent, meant you were unsuccessful as a person and your reputation became suspect and scandalous.

Speaking up for yourself or looking out for yourself was considered selfish. You did what you were told and what was expected of you even if you hated it and it went against your grain.

Human nature was supposed to be evil yet at the same time we didn’t lock our doors and the news wasn’t filled with murder, theft, abuse, and rape. We trusted our neighbors to look after us as we did them.

Violence and cruelty were bizarre instances and something to be avoided whereas today they are the norm and sell tickets. Violence in our day was Edward G Robinson holding a gun on someone and murders were referred to more than shown and never gory or gruesome as they are today. Violence has lost its shock value when a child has been exposed to murder or the idea of it thousands of times by the age of eleven. I think it is conditioning so we will accept horrendous acts like war as everyday events.

If bad things happened to you, it was your fault because you committed some sin and were being punished for it.

Men wore suits and ladies wore white gloves and petticoats. There might be one or two high school girls who needed attention so much it was negotiable, whereas today, there are only a few who value themselves enough to wait.

Young adults accepted their responsibility to stay pure until marriage. Sex was something never discussed and the adults in society made sure young people were not exposed to it, therefore we all got married knowing nothing. Madison Avenue didn’t use sex to sell products.

Personal matters were never discussed let alone touted as funny by comedians or on sitcoms. Bob Hope managed to make us laugh with his monologues without using four letter words. 

Our national values were mom’s apple pie, milk and cookies, the red white and blue and musical comedies that lifted the spirits instead of depressed them. Lighthearted frivolous movies were the fair for the most part instead of the serious matters delved into today. Traumas, secrets and the seamy side of life were swept under the carpet on purpose. No one was allowed to discuss life’s deeper issues so we buried them and psychotherapy became the rage.

Women would never have been considered political candidates even if they had everything needed to be a leader. 

We were never told that women should expect or even require support in their efforts to live a fully rounded life and actualize their potential. Support was a one way street with women nurturing the dreams of their husband and contributing to their success by working to get them through college and then being the perfect hostess for his business dinners.

Today, many an intelligent gifted woman is still removing and releasing these beliefs so we may step up and claim our place in the world. As leaders today, women are finally perceived as not only worthy to contribute, but among the most intelligent, hardworking and innovative citizens. Evidence of their spiritual intuitiveness and psychological savvy is seen in their prominence as speakers and writers of self help and spiritual books. It has been a hard won battle for women to no longer be thought of as second class citizens socially and personally and there is still that glass ceiling.

Later when divorced women had to enter the work force to support their families, they were paid half what the men they just replaced were, with none of the perks, no car, no expense account, no input allowed… thus the women’s rights movement.

We now know support is a psychologically sound approach to child rearing and a spiritual principle extending the Creator’s support for each of His children that was intended to flow freely to every one; women and children included. What a revolutionary idea.

Children were to be seen and not heard. This was rigidly enforced by the belief that children had nothing to contribute to the family unit except as a thing to be loved or an extension of the ego of the fathers to further their immortality.

The family reputation was infinitely more important than the psyche of the mother or the children and was regularly sacrificed to it. Family secrets were enforced on pain of corporal punishment. Nothing was worse than bringing shame on your family which called for disownment.

Punishment instead of discipline was expected and beating your wife and children is still on the books in many states.

Girls especially were taught to be people pleasers without feelings or opinions of their own. There’s a lot of clearing of the throat chakra, the center of communication and will, in our age group before public speaking can become an acceptable option for us. Becoming a nurse, teacher, librarian or secretary were ok but ambitions toward science, medicine or the law were considered impossible.

Money makes the world go ‘round is an old maxim. It’s not the truth but it’s an important element to consider so security issues are not a major concern. Parents freed up from financial worries are able to be more attentive and present with their children in their parenting functions. Women were so dependent on husbands to support them that many baby boomers couldn’t ever balance a check book when mid life crisis overtook their husbands and they replaced their wives with younger models. Some wives and mothers were abandoned early and had to step in as the wage earner head of the household which they had no preparation or grooming for since it was never expected they would have to take this role.

But either way, men and women alike were taught stringent rules about asking for money, discussing money, financial goals, assets, disposition toward the work ethic, etc. The result was that many baby boomers let their stock brokers tell them not to buy stock they knew were going to bring them enormous returns and went along only to loose their portfolios. Hard working baby boomers feel so guilty they can’t even ask for payment for their services, do an excessive amount of  pro bono work, don’t collect on debts owed them, and thus can’t cover their own expenses. Negative conditioning about money issues is huge with baby boomers. Today it is just the opposite. Parents encourage their children to do well in life, make sure they are being paid for their efforts, take success courses, and get an education. 

Back to the point of this article, baby boomers marry people with no work ethic at all ending up supporting two families instead of just their own all because it is rude and unthinkable to discuss money with a potential suitor prior to or during a marriage. Without synchronism of financial goals in a marriage many an argument and often a divorce takes place over money. When its never discussed the potential for mismatched alliances is huge.

It’s perfectly fine for someone to be a ne’er do well but a person might be well be advised of this before marrying this personality type and settling down with a house full of children. Now a days, couples are advised to ask these type questions in pre-marital counseling so ambitious, prudent, or financially responsible people don’t end up with those who are completely the opposite of them.

Boomers got married because it was the thing to do, the natural sequence of events and was expected. They got married because the adults around them told them to. Health concerns, family patterns, unresolved childhood issues, addictions, the person’s definition of relationships, marriage, family belief systems, love and parenting were never even inquired about as the baby boomers became of marriageable age. No wonder people were shocked and surprised to wake up next to a stranger one day realizing they didn’t know them at all. But they were trained to stay and make the best of it regardless. Today, romantic love at first site or karmic resonances with your soul mate are considered viable prerequisites for marriage. Boomers only thought that stuff happened in books. Once in a while we hear of childhood sweethearts that stayed married to each other. Most boomers are on their second or third marriages.

Needing someone to complete you, two parts of a whole is no longer a valid premise. Today two wholly integrated people join in loving companionship forming a spiritual entity which can take them both anywhere they want to go mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. They are best friends as well as spouses.

It is no longer a stigma for women to be single and in fact the majority of women over fifty today choose to remain single after divorce or loss of spouse. In baby boomer days a label of old maid and pity were shown toward any girl unable to find a husband and they lived at home.

Shame was the game of the day and fixed morality based on Christian ethics. If a parent didn’t produce a shame based child, they felt they had done their job wrong. A girl would rather die or be married to someone she didn’t love than be labeled a bad girl. Today everyone has babies with out the benefit of marriage and not too many people think much about it. We have swung way to the other side of the scale.

Traditional roles for men and women had defined parameters and any behaviors outside the norm were considered abnormal or bizarre. Women waited to be called for a date. There were no stay at home fathers and women were expected to stay home and raise the children.

Women didn’t pay for anything or share expenses on dates or in marriage as they do now.  Women had a hard time getting hired in corporate America regardless of their competency or credentials because the belief was there was no use in training them since they would get married soon and leave the job. Whole segments of the job arena were closed to them, medicine and the financial sectors were verboten. In ’73 I studied for my NYSE and CME licenses and once the manager of our brokerage house was gone, no one had the vision to anticipate that a woman might have intuition working for her, natural curiosity making research interesting, no ego to threaten clients, and people skills that could build up a client roster faster than their male counterparts, which I had already done. I was just told Wall Street would not back me in a down market because it was too risky.

Today this is not the case at all. Education in psychologically sound decision making teaches us to make informed choices in picking a mate as well as a stock broker, financial institution etc. There are tons of match making websites asking pertinent questions about every area of life that should be examined for compatibility and rated on a success and happiness scale before entering into a love match.

Society has changed because people are willing today to push for new legislation and dissent current conditions. In boomer days, we were taught to accept whatever the government gave us.

After reading all this about the good old days boomers grew up in, perhaps our children will understand our difficulty staying married a little better and diffuse some of their judgment toward us.

Having recently watched some interviews with famous baby boomers, I am inspired to write a few lines about the possible causes of why we post war babies have had to make multiple efforts to have a lasting, happy, loving, supportive, aligned marriages that feed the soul. With one out of two failing for us, the new generation may have something to teach us, like forthright communication, laying it all on the line, and letting our true feelings show.

Here are a few ideas to ponder that come to mind. During our childhoods, the 50’s, the world and American culture were radically different that the world we inhabit domestically and globally today.

We were taught rigid restrictive rules about what was appropriate and what behaviors, thoughts, and actions were not to be tolerated. Conversation was never to be rude, fresh, disrespectful, lewd, or insulting. Labels were the order of the day for people and for actions. Freedom meant freedom to be an obedient child and a good citizen rather than freedom of personal choice. Ingrained in us were subjects never to be broached or discussed, even in many cases, within the family unit.

The beliefs baby boomers were inculcated with were substantially different that those of society today. Compare these ideas to those prevalent today.

Suffering was good for the soul so an abusive marriage was to be tolerated patiently as a ticket into heaven.

Women and children were considered chattel without rights, to be taken care of and controlled as though they weren’t smart enough to make decisions for themselves and had no right to decide anyway.

Divorce, which was much less frequent, meant you were unsuccessful as a person and your reputation became suspect and scandalous.

Speaking up for yourself or looking out for yourself was considered selfish. You did what you were told and what was expected of you even if you hated it and it went against your grain.

Human nature was supposed to be evil yet at the same time, we didn’t lock our doors and the news wasn’t filled with murder, theft, abuse, and rape. We trusted our neighbors to look after us as we did them.

Violence and cruelty were bizarre instances and something to be avoided whereas today they are the norm and sell tickets. Violence in our day was Edward G Robinson holding a gun on someone and murders were referred to more than shown and never gory or gruesome as they are today. Violence has lost its shock value when a child has been exposed to murder or the idea of it thousands of times by the age of eleven. I think it is conditioning so we will accept horrendous acts like war as everyday events.

If bad things happened to you, it was your fault because you committed some sin and were being punished for it.

Men wore suits and ladies wore white gloves and petticoats. There might be one or two high school girls who needed attention so much it was negotiable, whereas today, there are only a few who value themselves enough to wait.

Young adults accepted their responsibility to stay pure until marriage. Sex was something never discussed and the adults in society made sure young people were not exposed to it, therefore we all got married knowing nothing. Madison Avenue didn’t use sex to sell products.

Personal matters were never discussed let alone touted as funny by comedians or on sitcoms. Bob Hope managed to make us laugh with his monologues without using four letter words. 

Our national values were mom’s apple pie, milk and cookies, the red white and blue and musical comedies that lifted the spirits instead of depressed them. Lighthearted frivolous movies were the fair for the most part instead of the serious matters delved into today. Traumas, secrets and the seamy side of life were swept under the carpet on purpose. No one was allowed to discuss life’s deeper issues so we buried them and psychotherapy became the rage.

Women would never have been considered political candidates even if they had everything needed to be a leader. 

We were never told that women should expect or even require support in their efforts to live a fully rounded life and actualize their potential. Support was a one way street with women nurturing the dreams of their husband and contributing to their success by working to get them through college and then being the perfect hostess for his business dinners.

Today, many an intelligent gifted woman is still removing and releasing these beliefs so we may step up and claim our place in the world. As leaders today, women are finally perceived as not only worthy to contribute, but among the most intelligent, hardworking and innovative citizens. Evidence of their spiritual intuitiveness and psychological savvy is seen in their prominence as speakers and writers of self help and spiritual books. It has been a hard won battle for women to no longer be thought of as second class citizens socially and personally and there is still that glass ceiling.

Later when divorced women had to enter the work force to support their families, they were paid half what the men they just replaced were, with none of the perks, no car, no expense account, no input allowed… thus the women’s rights movement.

We now know support is a psychologically sound approach to child rearing and a spiritual principle extending the Creator’s support for each of His children that was intended to flow freely to every one; women and children included. What a revolutionary idea.

Children were to be seen and not heard. This was rigidly enforced by the belief that children had nothing to contribute to the family unit except as a thing to be loved or an extension of the ego of the fathers to further their immortality.

The family reputation was infinitely more important than the psyche of the mother or the children and was regularly sacrificed to it. Family secrets were enforced on pain of corporal punishment. Nothing was worse than bringing shame on your family which called for disownment.

Punishment instead of discipline was expected and beating your wife and children is still on the books in many states.

Girls especially were taught to be people pleasers without feelings or opinions of their own. There’s a lot of clearing of the throat chakra, the center of communication and will, in our age group before public speaking can become an acceptable option for us. Becoming a nurse, teacher, librarian or secretary were ok but ambitions toward science, medicine or the law were considered impossible.

Money makes the world go ‘round is an old maxim. It’s not the truth but it’s an important element to consider so security issues are not a major concern. Parents freed up from financial worries are able to be more attentive and present with their children in their parenting functions. Women were so dependent on husbands to support them that many baby boomers couldn’t ever balance a check book when mid life crisis overtook their husbands and they replaced their wives with younger models. Some wives and mothers were abandoned early and had to step in as the wage earner head of the household which they had no preparation or grooming for since it was never expected they would have to take this role.

But either way, men and women alike were taught stringent rules about asking for money, discussing money, financial goals, assets, disposition toward the work ethic, etc. The result was that many baby boomers let their stock brokers tell them not to buy stock they knew were going to bring them enormous returns and went along only to loose their portfolios. Hard working baby boomers feel so guilty they can’t even ask for payment for their services, do an excessive amount of  pro bono work, don’t collect on debts owed them, and thus can’t cover their own expenses. Negative conditioning about money issues is huge with baby boomers. Today it is just the opposite. Parents encourage their children to do well in life, make sure they are being paid for their efforts, take success courses, and get an education. 

Back to the point of this article, baby boomers marry people with no work ethic at all ending up supporting two families instead of just their own all because it is rude and unthinkable to discuss money with a potential suitor prior to or during a marriage. Without synchronism of financial goals in a marriage many an argument and often a divorce takes place over money. When its never discussed the potential for mismatched alliances is huge.

It’s perfectly fine for someone to be a ne’er do well but a person might be well be advised of this before marrying this personality type and settling down with a house full of children. Now a days, couples are advised to ask these type questions in pre-marital counseling so ambitious, prudent, or financially responsible people don’t end up with those who are completely the opposite of them.

Boomers got married because it was the thing to do, the natural sequence of events and was expected. They got married because the adults around them told them to. Health concerns, family patterns, unresolved childhood issues, addictions, the person’s definition of relationships, marriage, family belief systems, love and parenting were never even inquired about as the baby boomers became of marriageable age. No wonder people were shocked and surprised to wake up next to a stranger one day realizing they didn’t know them at all. But they were trained to stay and make the best of it regardless. Today, romantic love at first site or karmic resonances with your soul mate are considered viable prerequisites for marriage. Boomers only thought that stuff happened in books. Once in a while we hear of childhood sweethearts that stayed married to each other. Most boomers are on their second or third marriages.

Needing someone to complete you, two parts of a whole is no longer a valid premise. Today two wholly integrated people join in loving companionship forming a spiritual entity which can take them both anywhere they want to go mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. They are best friends as well as spouses.

It is no longer a stigma for women to be single and in fact the majority of women over fifty today choose to remain single after divorce or loss of spouse. In baby boomer days a label of old maid and pity were shown toward any girl unable to find a husband and they lived at home.

Shame was the game of the day and fixed morality based on Christian ethics. If a parent didn’t produce a shame based child, they felt they had done their job wrong. A girl would rather die or be married to someone she didn’t love than be labeled a bad girl. Today everyone has babies with out the benefit of marriage and not too many people think much about it. We have swung way to the other side of the scale.

Traditional roles for men and women had defined parameters and any behaviors outside the norm were considered abnormal or bizarre. Women waited to be called for a date. There were no stay at home fathers and women were expected to stay home and raise the children.

Women didn’t pay for anything or share expenses on dates or in marriage as they do now.  Women had a hard time getting hired in corporate America regardless of their competency or credentials because the belief was there was no use in training them since they would get married soon and leave the job. Whole segments of the job arena were closed to them, medicine and the financial sectors were verboten. In ’73 I studied for my NYSE and CME licenses and once the manager of our brokerage house was gone, no one had the vision to anticipate that a woman might have intuition working for her, natural curiosity making research interesting, no ego to threaten clients, and people skills that could build up a client roster faster than their male counterparts, which I had already done. I was just told Wall Street would not back me in a down market because it was too risky.

Today this is not the case at all. Education in psychologically sound decision making teaches us to make informed choices in picking a mate as well as a stock broker, financial institution etc. There are tons of match making websites asking pertinent questions about every area of life that should be examined for compatibility and rated on a success and happiness scale before entering into a love match.

Society has changed because people are willing today to push for new legislation and dissent current conditions. In boomer days, we were taught to accept whatever the government gave us.

After reading all this about the good old days boomers grew up in, perhaps our children will understand our difficulty staying married a little better and diffuse some of their judgment toward us.